FREE Copy of My Bernie Journey Book

Hey Progressives!!

I wanted to take a moment and tell you about an exciting new book I wrote that exposes corruption inside the “Democratic” Party in a way that no other book has the guts to tackle. My Bernie Journey – An Inside Look at the 2016 “Democratic” Primary Through the Eyes of a Bernie Sanders Volunteer is the result of two years of intense hard work and hands on research.

The first thing that makes this book special is that I was actually in the trenches, traveling from state to state, knocking on doors, attending meetings and rallies and chronicling the insane corruption that I witnessed first hand.

There is an entire chapter of this amazing book just dedicated to ELECTORAL FRAUD inside the “Democratic” Party.

There is also an entire chapter where I went BACK ON THE ROAD interviewing the people who took Bernie Sanders’ message to heart and actually took steps to take over their local government.

But this book is about SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT!!

It’s also a personal story of how Bernie Sanders saved my son’s life and an epic story that talks about how we were labeled as terrorists and teargassed by helicopters in the streets of Philadelphia when we went there to protest the corruption of the DNC.

This book is fire in your hands and I personally guarantee that anyone who picks it up will be absolutely unable to put it down.

In short, I wrote the book that I kept waiting for someone else to write.

I wrote the book that blows the lid off the entire rigged “Democratic” primary, while interweaving a personal story of inspiration that will get you fired up to take your activism to the next level.

Or as my former Hillary supporting friend put it:

“I never realized the depths of the depravity engaged in by the DNC in 2016 and now that I have eyes for it, I see this corruption continuing in every move they make. Michael’s book made me cry, but it also made me angry and it inspired me to take action. I had friends who worked really hard for Bernie. Honestly, at the time, I thought they were kind of crazy. If I knew then what I know now, I would have been out there knocking on doors with them.”

And THAT IS WHY I feel this book is important.

People need to know OUR story.

They need to know exactly what happened from someone who was actually part of it.

Going forward into the 2018 midterms and on into the 2020 presidential election, WE NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN!!

The first step to stopping it from ever happening again is to educate EVERYONE on how it went down in the first place.

I sincerely believe that My Bernie Journey does this in a way that is so fun and exciting that you could give it to the Trump or Hillary supporter in your life and they will come away with a new perspective.

Every Sanders supporter will want to read this.

And everyone who is not a Sanders supporter WILL BE by the time they put it down.

I really feel that strongly about it.

Here is a video where I talk about what’s inside the book in greater detail.

If you are in a hurry to order the book, you can skip the video, scroll down right under the video and order your FREE electronic copy (the E-Book can be read on your computer, phone or tablet) or if you want an autographed physical copy delivered to your door you can order that as well.

Thank you for believing in my work.

This book has been the hardest and most rewarding artistic endeavor of my life.

DO I EVEN NEED TO TELL YOU THAT THIS BOOK IS THE ULTIMATE CHRISTMAS BOOK FOR ANY BERNIE SANDERS SUPPORTER OR MAYBE AN EVEN BETTER GIFT TO GIVE TO THAT FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER WHO LOVES HILLARY CLINTON??or maybe nothing can wake those people up – I’m not really sure)

Scroll past the video to order or watch the video if you need more details.

How to Get the Book

To get your FREE E-Book copy of My Bernie Journey simply send an email with My Bernie Journey in the title to GoBernieGoBernieGo@gmail.com

If you want an autographed physical copy sent to your door, along with the second book The Independent Thinker Chronicles (included for free) then send $27 through PayPal by clicking HERE (Be sure to put your shipping address in the notes section)

If you don’t like PayPal you can pay through Square or with a check or money order by clicking HERE.

If you don’t like any of those methods you can order through Amazon by clicking HERE (I urge you not to buy through Amazon as they represent the very corporate entities which we are standing up to!!)

I suppose you could even follow me by clicking HERE and pay through Facebook messenger (did you even know that you could send money through Facebook messenger? I didn’t either until recently.)

Also feel free to DONATE a copy of the book to a random person.

What this means is that if you already have a copy and want to get one for someone who can’t afford one right now, just write “Pay it forward” in the notes line and I’ll write Donated by (Your Name) and donate the book to a library, school or individual who has limited funds.

Consider it a nice way to give the gift of Political Revolution to a stranger.

Anyway, I hope you love the book regardless of rather you pay for it or get the free copy.

It’s your book.

I’m just the guy who wrote everything down.

Berning Against the Machine (Kuh-wit It Now!!!)

The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book,

My Bernie Journey – A Behind the Scenes Look at the 2016 Democratic Primary

The book will be released on August 28.

I have been working on it for over a year and I really believe that it is an accurate portrayal of the disenfranchisement that Sanders and his supporters faced at the hands of the Democratic Party.

It’s a good read, full of the anger, sadness and euphoria that we all experienced as part of Sanders’ historic campaign.

This particular chapter explains the reasons why the Bernie Sanders movement was such a personal revolution for me. It’s intensely personal and I share aspects of myself that not even those closest to me are aware of.

I sincerely hope you find something that you can relate to in my ramblings.

After you finish reading the chapter, scroll down and there will be instructions on how you can obtain a copy of the book at no charge.

There is also an opportunity to be part of the team that gets the book to press.

I sincerely promise to do everything in my power to promote this book to anyone and everyone who may help further the truth about the travesty that occurred against our movement during the 2016 “Democratic” Primary.

Please feel free to share this post with anyone whom you think may be interested in this project.

Without further adieu, here’s the chapter.

Chapter 16 – Raging Against the Machine (Kuh-wit It Now!!!)

I was off and running again.

Damn I was fast!

The fact that I’m alive now is a testament to how fast I was then.

John Southwood’s goons gave chase and I kicked as hard as my ten year old legs could kick. And hell yeah they could kick. As I turned the corner I used my peripheral vision to see that the entire gang had given up chasing me, except for Kyle. Peripheral vision was important. There was always somebody coming after me back then and I needed to be able to see what was coming. And in this case the ability to see without turning my head may have shaved a half second off my sprint and that half second could have been the difference between making it home to relative safety or getting my face bashed in by Kyle Vandebrock.

Kyle was 15 and two feet taller than me. For everyone of Kyle’s strides, I had to take two. I was three blocks from my house. My brain started trying to do math to figure the odds, but I told it to shut up. Doing math could only slow me down. Kyle was closing fast, but not fast enough.

I made it to my front yard.

There’s some sort of kid rule that says that if you make it to your own yard then you are safe and bullies can no longer bother you. So I slowed up and began to walk leisurely towards my front door. If I came in running my mom or her boyfriend would have noticed me. It was never a good idea to be noticed in my house.

Kyle stopped at the edge of the yard and said between gasps

“Why are you running? I just wanted to talk to you?”

His tone was completely disarming. I remember thinking that he looked like a really nice guy standing there and for a moment I wondered why I had been running from him.

I walked to the edge of the yard and said

“What do you want to talk about?”

Kyle swung his lanky right arm towards me. I remember it seemed like it took forever to arrive. Perhaps I have added this part to the memory, but I recall seeing Kyle’s fist eclipsing the sun as it majestically hovered over the treeline behind him. The adult-me wants to tell Kyle to keep his punches compact and to remember to always keep his guard up. A huge sweeping roundhouse punch like this, in a street-fight, will get you punched directly in the face with a jab, followed by a right-cross. Kyle was leading with a hay-maker that traveled through several time zones to reach its destination.

“Now boarding Kyle’s fist to Michael’s stomach! Please present your tickets! All aboard the pain express! Next stop Extreme Abdominal Pain!”

Kyle’s fist landed squarely on my malnourished frame and took the wind completely out of me. As I fell to the ground, Kyle hovered above, blocking out the sun. I remember he looked reluctant, almost compassionate, like a man just doing his job, going through the motions, taking no joy in his role as Southwood’s henchman.

While I lay there writhing in pain, Kyle said

“And this is for making me chase you.” and then he brought his size 13 Converse All-Star crashing down on my ribs.

As Kyle walked away, I saw him meet up with Southwood and his gang. I saw him gesture to them that the job had been completed. High-fives were exchanged and cigarettes lit. Another hard day at the factory. Soon the sun would set, we’d all sleep and then we’d have to report to work again. Me with my job as whipping boy, they as the neighborhood bullies. My bruised ribs would buy me no sanctuary tomorrow. A new school-day meant we all hit the reset button.

You might be wondering what the impetus behind these daily beatings was. I can answer it simply by saying that my family was poor. Looking back, I realized that John Southwood and his gang were also poor. But they weren’t poor like we were poor. They could afford luxuries like cigarettes and beer. And their clothes seemed to fit okay, whereas mine were hand-me-downs from my cousins, who were younger than me.

Once a year my Aunt would drop off several trash bags full of clothes that her kids had outgrown and that would be my wardrobe for the next year.

My mother got angry at me for growing.

I would try to force myself into the trash-bag clothes, which were several sizes too small and my mother would see me and say something like

“If you didn’t grow so goddamned fast then your clothes would fit!!”

To my mother’s credit, she did everything she could to keep me from growing. We rarely had food in the house and when we did, eating it would usually lead to some sort of major screaming match, which more often than not lead to me getting knocked across the room.

I arrived early to school each morning to get the bowl of free corn-flakes that the school gave out to kids on the free lunch program. I didn’t realize at the time that showing up an hour before the first bell was a way to let every kid in the school know that I received free lunch. I didn’t even know what was going on. I just knew that we were poor and that the other kids hated me for that.

At lunch time there were two lines. Kids with money would go through a line where they could point to different foods they wanted. Those foods always looked so much better than the slop they would throw on our trays, which I would later learn was the exact same crap they were feeding the prisoners a few miles down the road.

There was a popular commercial at the time, for Life cereal, in which a small boy named Mikey was presented with a bowl of cereal. One of the kids would say “Mikey won’t eat it. He hates everything!” then Mikey would eat the Life cereal and the kids would scream out “He likes it!!” This somehow resulted in kids coming by and dumping their leftover food on my tray and saying

“Mikey will eat it! He eats everything!”

And everyone would laugh.

And I would eat it too, as long as it looked like they hadn’t put any trash in it. We never had dinner at our house and it was a long time between lunch and the free cereal the next morning, so I would eat as much as I could at lunch each day. The kids all got a huge kick out of watching the scrawny little poor kid eat the food they were going to throw in the trash. I guess there was something about that joke that I didn’t really understand. I never really got the punch-line on that one.

As you might expect, as an adult I developed a pretty strange eating disorder that really just amounted to me always finishing every last scrap that was on my plate, even when I was stuffed, as well as any leftover scraps on my children’s plates. I just couldn’t bear the thought of throwing food in the trash, after not having it for all those years. As you might also expect, this behavior lead me to gain a lot of weight.

But as an adult, I had the means to solve problems that were impossible to solve when I was a child.

I solved my eating disorder by getting dogs.

They get all the leftover food.

I go to the gym everyday.

But man I have some really fat dogs.

When I heard about this poor kid from Brooklyn who had spent his entire life fighting for equality, it struck a chord in me. I saw the pictures of him handcuffed and fighting against the police and I saw myself. I read the stories about him growing up in a tiny Brooklyn apartment and hearing his parents fighting over money and I related. I saw him standing on the Senate floor, still angry, yelling at the rich bastards who had kept him and his family down and something shifted in me.

This guy was just like me, but he was actually doing something about it.

Bernie Sanders woke me the fuck up and all that rage I had put on the shelf came flooding back with a vengeance. For the first time in my adult life I had a constructive outlet for my anger. I listened to every speech that Bernie had ever given and it put me in touch with something I had lost. Some of my friends said that they felt like I had joined a cult. I wondered how the hell they hadn’t joined it.

“There’s a revolution happening in America right now!!” I would tell them.

They thought I was crazy. And to be fair, I was. My well-meaning friends were probably the same kids who watched and did nothing while the rich kids dumped food on my lunch tray and laughed.

They couldn’t understand why I had such a strong reaction to this angry Senator from Vermont. They had never been truly poor a day in their lives.

They weren’t like Bernie.

They weren’t like me.

But I met a lot of people who were.

For every school cafeteria in America, there is a kid who sits alone, who doesn’t fit in, whose clothes don’t fit right. There are millions of us, but we never knew about each other before Sanders stood up. Alone, we are powerless, destined to be stomach-punched by the wealthy elite, destined to have leftover scraps heaped on our plates, while those in power laugh at the fact that we are so hungry that we must eat their waste.

We are the outcast misfits who started in the back of the line when the race began. We are brilliant and resourceful, because we’ve had to be. And when the rich kids call us “basement dwellers” we wear this title with pride. And when our friends think us crazy, we get new and better friends, because we are past the point of apologizing for our insanity and now accept fully that all truly amazing things have been accomplished by those that others dismissed as crazy.

Bernie Sanders stood up in the backyards of America and spoke to the poor and disenfranchised and every castaway, gypsy and vagabond stood up as one and raised their fists in solidarity. Soon there were so many of us that arenas could not hold us. While the rich kids grew weak and stringy from never having to fight, we grew stronger and more resourceful because fighting was all we ever did.

When someone says to me

“It’s too bad Bernie lost.”

I often say something like

“Bernie has already won. Millions of people are awake now. Bernie cannot lose, because what he stands for are a set of ideals. It is now our job to go forth and make sure those ideals come to fruition. This movement supersedes Sanders. It is the eternal battle of good versus evil, poor versus rich, The People vs The Oligarchy. This Revolution is just getting started.”

Then they look at me like I’m crazy. Because, in fact, that’s exactly what I am. But I am not alone. I have several million crazy friends.

And we are organized.

The rich kids are shaking in their $200 shoes.

THAT’S THE CHAPTER – I REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!! THERE ARE MANY MORE EXCITING CHAPTERS IN THE FULL VERSION OF THE BOOK. 

HERE ARE ALL THE DETAILS YOU NEED IN ONE EASY TO UNDERSTAND VIDEO (<—-CLICK HERE)

The video is kind of long.

 There was a lot I wanted to fit in.

Here are the bullet points.

If you want an electronic copy of the book, I’ll send you one out absolutely free

Just send an email to

 GoBernieGoBernieGo@gmail.com

 And I’ll get an electronic copy sent out to you as soon as it goes to press on August 28.

 If anyone wants to contribute to the publishing costs, they can do so by clicking the link below.

 DONATIONS ARE NOT REQUIRED TO RECEIVE THE BOOK!!

 There is also an exciting bonus program for founding members.

 Anyone who donates $27 or more will be part of The 27 Buck Club.

 Those people receive a physical copy of the book, shipped to their home, along with a second book, The Independent Thinker Chronicles.

 The Independent Thinker Chronicles is a compilation of articles I wrote while on the road with the campaign.

 In addition, anyone in The 27 Buck Club gets their name credited inside the book for being an integral part of getting the book to press.

 If joining The 27 Buck Club, please be sure to include the address of where your books are to be shipped.

 If no one donates I’ll foot the entire bill for the publishing and I’LL STILL SEND OUT THE FREE COPIES!!

If the crowdfunding is successful and there is any money left over after paying the publishing costs, these proceeds go to pay Ari’s schooling (see video for details).

 I wanted to structure this where everyone could get the book without paying for it.

But I also wanted to structure it where there was freedom to participate for those who wanted to and I wanted to reward those people with something exciting.

 This is my first time doing crowdfunding and also my first time self-publishing so I hope I did a good job with the structure.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this chapter and I really look forward to getting the book to you.

I’ve spent so much time trying to make it amazing.

I sincerely believe that it is a book that needed to be written and I’m honored to be able to be part of such an incredible movement.

Your friend in Revolution,

Michael E Sparks

Bernie Sanders Gave Me a Christmas Present

I walk into my local bookstore and see my favorite human, Bernie Sanders, staring at me from directly inside the store window. His book, Our Revolution, is flying off the shelves. As I bring it to the register the clerk says

“I read it. I cried. I love Bernie.”

And we are immediately friends.

Leaving the shop, I pull up at the stop-light and start looking for the latest Young Turks podcast on my phone. As I do there is honking from behind and beside me. I look up to see what is going on. The guy to my left gives me a thumbs up. It says “Feel the Bern 2020” on both sides of my car. The girl in the car behind me also gives me the thumbs up too and then starts taking pictures of my Bernie-mobile.

This happens almost every time I stop at a light.

My faith in humanity is constantly being restored.

Someone told me that Bernie Sanders lost the election, but they completely missed the point. Bernie won and we won. More importantly, we are still winning, because Sanders started something and we will not stop until it is finished.

Everywhere I go, I meet people who believe in Sanders message of compassion. The air is alive with people talking political change. This is the most informed generation in our country’s young history. I can go anywhere in America and find people who believe as I do, that every man, woman and child deserves the right to healthcare, a living wage and an opportunity to pursue higher education.

Bernie Sanders made it okay to be a proud Socialist and taught millions of people what the word actually means. He woke us up and we aren’t going back to sleep. He introduced us to each other and we are a powerful force to be reckoned with.

That is the incredible gift that Bernie Sanders gave to all of us.

The revolution is going on right now.

It began the moment Sanders stood up in the backyards of rural areas, where Democrats fear to tread and said what we had all been thinking.

Bernie was clear from the beginning that it was about US. He told US to stand together and we would win. I know that it is hard, right now, with the utter mess that our country’s political system has become, but out of chaos arises opportunity.

The confluence of America’s political system hitting rock bottom at the same time as this great man rising up and becoming a voice of awakening for an entire generation, is exactly what needed to happen for our country to take a giant leap forward into a new Progressive era.

Sanders started a conversation and traveled from town to town sharing these truths that we hold to be self-evident.

Now it is up to US to continue the conversation.

It is up to US to help our neighbor. It is up to US to fight injustice. It is up to US to run for office, to boycott corporations, to push until every one of Bernie’s dreams becomes a reality.

Because Bernie’s dreams are our dreams.

Before Sanders, we were fragmented. We felt alone and powerless.

Now awake, we are an unstoppable force.

As I walk into a local coffee shop, Bernie Sanders is on corporate media. He is applying pressure to Barack Obama to declare Standing Rock a national monument. Later the same day, I walk into the gym and one of the Republican guys yells…

“Boy, Ol Bernie is really lettin em have it, Mike!!”

I look up at the TV and Sanders is on talking about reforming the “Democratic” Party and ridding it of corporate influence.

“Show this guy your Bernie tattoo!!” another one of my Republican friends hollers.

I do and we all laugh together.

Bernie has united people from all different walks of life.

Bernie has a platform now. People are awake. They are listening. And anyone who knows anything about change, knows that first people have to become aware of what needs to change before change can begin.

For the next few years, things will be hard and we will have many opportunities to band together to fight injustice and if we fight hard enough and make our voices loud enough, we can begin usher in a new age of enlightenment in America.

It is up to US to take this wonderful gift that Bernie has given us and continue to give it to everyone we meet.

After doing some (non-corporate) Christmas shopping, I returned to my car to find a note. I cringed, thinking that some Trump supporter might have taken umbrage with my First Amendment right to express my Socialist views.

I was wrong.

Instead there was a beautiful letter, from a friend I haven’t met, telling me how much they love the Bernie-mobile, leaving me warm and fuzzy this holiday season. This was just the latest in a million reminders that our movement has only just begun.

2016 brought us together.

In 2017 we will continue the fight.

In 2018 we lay claim to the House and Senate.

And in 2020 we right a great wrong and vote Bernie Sanders into The White House.

Happy Holidays to all my amazing Bernie friends everywhere.

Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Michael recently published an epic book about his adventures touring the country for Bernie Sanders. You can get a free copy HERE. Merry Christmas everyone!!

A Close Friend of Mine is Voting for Hillary Clinton

The woman who picks up my kids for school every morning is voting for Hillary Clinton.

We have a system.

She drops them off in the morning.

I pick them up in the afternoon.

It saves both of us money and it lessens our carbon footprint.

Because, you know, we care about those things, being as we are both liberals and all.

Did I mention that this woman is voting for Hillary Clinton?

Crazy, right?

And I don’t trust just anyone with my kids.

My friend is incredibly trustworthy.

She’s an awesome human being and I care very deeply about her.

We’ve been close for a long time.

We watched each other’s kids grow up.

She’s like a member of my family and I’m like a member of hers.

I love my friend.

Did I mention that she is voting for Hillary Clinton?

Yeah. I know, right? What’s up with that?

I mean, how can you be a decent human being and support someone who is pure evil?

I was wondering that as well.

So I asked her.

You might imagine that my friend was once a Bernie supporter and now she is following Sanders’ request to vote for Hillary to defeat the evil Donald Trump.

You might imagine that she is “holding her nose and voting for Hillary”.

You might imagine that, being as she is such a close friend of mine, that she actually hates Hillary Clinton, but is just falling on the grenade to keep the Supreme Court from being all up in her uterus for the next 40 years.

You’d be wrong.

She’s freaking crazy about Hillary Clinton!!

My friend works for the government and has been following Clinton for years.

When she lived in D.C. she actually met Hillary and shook her hand.

She has a Hillary sign in her front yard!!

She used to hide it when I came over, but then I told her…

“I don’t hide my Bernie sign. You don’t need to hide your Hillary sign.”

Before our state’s primary (which Bernie won) I made several efforts to speak with my friend about Bernie Sanders, but she became upset each time and for a while she stopped speaking to me altogether.

That was probably for the best.

It probably saved our friendship.

I’m kind of radical about Bernie Sanders.

After Bernie dropped out and endorsed Hillary (GRRRRR!!!), I asked her if she was ready to have The Talk, the talk that ALL Sanders supporters must have with their Hillary friend(s) if there is any hope of the friendship returning to its previous form.

There are YUGE fundamental differences between Sanders supporters and Clinton supporters.

I can be friends with anyone, but if you vote for Hillary Clinton, then there is always going to be an elephant (or a donkey) in the room of our friendship and we are going to have to talk about it.

Because on the surface it would seem that I am in support of universal healthcare and you oppose it and the idea that poor people don’t deserve the same rights as the wealthy is deeply offensive to me.

Without sitting down with you, I would probably never be able to understand how you support fracking, when I am so radically opposed to it.

I’m going to need to hear your thoughts on this.

As a Clinton supporter, I would gather that you support big corporations running our government and I am violently in opposition to this above all, so I’d like to hear your reasoning on that subject as well.

Also, I’d love to hear your thinking on why you believe that it’s okay to lie to the American people repeatedly and hide your Wall Street transcripts, because I know that you are a super-smart person and I’ve always thought of you as extremely ethical.

And I know that you don’t want to see our children murdered in some billionaire’s war, so why is it that you support a candidate who wants to install a no-fly zone over Syria, a move that will likely lead to war with Russia.

I mean, you knew about all these things, right?

You have the Internet and know how to use a search engine, right?

And you actually want to know the policies of the person you are voting for, right?

I don’t want to overwhelm you.

I’ve got literally hundreds of concerns about your candidate and I need to know how you can feel good about voting for a woman who takes millions from the fossil-fuel industry and has no real plan to deal with climate change.

So can we talk?

Because right now, I’m feeling like I don’t even know you.

And I’d hate to let something as trivial as the fate of the entire world come between us.

Like I said, my friend is awesome.

She invited me over..

She was very cordial…

She poured the wine..

 

And we talked.

My friend agreed that healthcare is a right, not a privilege.

“So why didn’t you vote for Bernie?” I asked.

“Because Hillary is fighting for universal healthcare too.”

“No, she isn’t! In fact she said that it would NEVER happen!”

“She NEVER said that!”

I obnoxiously pulled out my phone and showed her the video.

“Well it must be out of context. Hillary would NEVER say that. Look, my main reason for supporting Hillary is that she supports equality for women. Women do not get equal pay and Hillary will address that, as well as other important women’s issues.”

I thought about bringing up Berta Caceres and other women who died as a result of Hillary’s foreign policy.

I considered bringing up the fact that Hillary Clinton basically starved over a million single mothers and their children when she gutted funding to the Children’s Defense Fund.

I thought about Jill Stein’s brilliant argument that when you make things harder on poor people, that you disproportionately hurt women.

I thought about Camille Paglia‘s points about how Hillary is anti-feminist and Bernie Sanders is a true feminist.

Finally I said…

“Then why did she pay her female employees .72 on the dollar compared to her male employees when she was Secretary of State?”

“No she DID NOT!!” my friend exclaimed.

“Would you like to see the evidence?”

“No, because it never happened.”

“It will take me five seconds.”

“I’ll research it on my own.”

“Will you?” I asked.

“No. Because it never happened.” she said.

We moved on to discussing TPP.

“Oh yeah! Hillary’s against that!” my friend said.

“She co-wrote it and toured the world selling it to other countries!!”

“But then she realized that it was a bad trade agreement and she came out against it.”

“Publicly, she did, but there are emails showing her pressuring Democratic Congressional members to pass it and then Obama sealed the emails, but I have the articles. Would you like to see them?”

“I don’t believe that, Michael.” she said exasperated.

“Well I have proof. Would you like to see it?”

“I’ll look it up on my own sometime.”

“Well you won’t find it on corporate media. Obama sealed the emails.”

“I just don’t believe that, Michael.”

“Okay fine. A year from now, when she is trying to push it through, I’m coming over.”

“Fine. You do that.”

“I will.”

“Good for you.”

“Bad for America. I won’t be happy when I’m right.”

The conversation went on like this for a while.

I talked policy and my friend agreed that Bernie’s policy was perfect, but then told me that Hillary supported the same policy.

When I tried to show her evidence that this was not true, she had no interest in looking at it.

She repeatedly regaled me with stories of how Hillary had overcome tough obstacles in her life.

There was the time when Bill had ran for some office and lost and became depressed and wasn’t bringing home any income, so Hillary had to take a job she didn’t like to support Chelsea.

It was as if she thought Hillary was waiting tables during the day and pole-dancing at night.

She truly believed that Hillary Clinton was some kind of rags to riches story.

To her, Hillary was the American dream wrapped in a pantsuit.

“Where did you get these stories?” I asked.

“Oh, I read her book.” she said.

“Oh, okay.” I said.

And there we sat, wasting time, speaking different languages.

I get my news from The Intercept and  The Guardian.

She gets hers from CNN.

There was no Lexis…no common ground.

She thinks I’m a Bernie-bro and I think she is uninformed.

What it really comes down to is that my friend sees herself in Hillary Clinton and that’s why she voted for her and will do so again and no amount of inconvenient facts will deter her.

It’s more about identity politics, than policy and there is some kind of sorting device that rest just inside the ear of the Hillary Clinton supporter that takes all criticisms against her and files them into one of two categories.

Either they are right-wing conspiracies designed to take down this model of feminism or Hillary actually did it, but “sometimes women just have to do things that they don’t want to for the greater good.”

With this line of thinking, Clinton is always the hero or the victim.

She has fostered some kind of faux feminism that pulls in angry women of a certain age, who feel like they have lived similar lives.

Never mind that Clinton wouldn’t throw her Fiji water on my friend if she were on fire.

My friend is convinced that Hillary’s fake victory is somehow HER victory.

Just as your ignorant, racist uncle has been duped into believing that billionaire, Donald Trump truly understands his problems, millions of mildly annoyed suburban women will proudly march into the voting booth and fill in that little oval unknowingly supporting genocide abroad and feel like they are true feminists.

And while I love my friend and would do anything for her, I probably won’t ever completely get over this.

Every time I see Hillary ship more young people off to die and murder the innocent for financial gain, I will think of my friend.

When I see trade agreements pass that will continue to destroy the middle-class and ship American jobs overseas, I will think of my friend.

And each time I see Hillary lie, I will think about how my friend is eating up that lie and enjoying it, because it makes her feel good about the choice she made to support women everywhere.

Alas, despite differences in politics, I am grateful for my friend.

I am grateful for the insight she gives me into the mind of the Hillary Clinton supporter.

She’s a really good person.

It’s just that she has chosen to stay ignorant on this one subject that is very important to me.

And considering how miserable this entire election has been..

I almost wish that I had chosen that path as well.

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Someone Stole My Bernie Sanders Yard Sign

Some asshole stole my Bernie Sanders yard sign last night. That’s number eight. I’ve got one more around somewhere. I used to have a trunk full of them. I would knock on your door, some crazy forty-year old guy, with shaggy hair. You’d tell me that you were planning to vote for Hillary Clinton, we’d talk for 15 or 20 minutes and at the end of our conversation, I’d get one of those signs out of my trunk and we’d plant it in your yard and you’d be excited about it.

I take no credit for this. It wasn’t like I was some great salesman. I just memorized the facts and had a conversation and my new friend just came to the logical conclusion that Bernie Sanders was a much better candidate than Hillary Clinton on every level. Once you had heard the gospel according to Bernie Sanders, you were kind of embarrassed that you had ever even considered voting for Sillary.

If I was at all effective in converting souls to Sanders, it was because of the religious-type fervor I felt for the absolute righteousness of Sanders unflappable ethics, which filled my body with energy that radiated from my eyes, like that of a newly baptized person born in the deep South.

And yet I was an atheist.

I gave so many of those signs away. And now I have but one left. Tucked away in a closet somewhere. I will find it and plant it in the yard as a monument to my stubbornness and my absolute refusal to give up. And when they steal this one, there will be no more.

We will have to go back to making them, like we did before the campaign centers opened and the website took weeks to ship them. Carrie would take old political campaign signs, turn them inside out, and spray-paint over a Bernie stencil she made. She would hand them out at debate parties.

Our house was full of amazing new people for a solid year. What an odd turn of events for me, the paranoid, who didn’t really like people, to fall in love with so many strangers. What a beautiful thing for people to open their homes to my children and I, to feed us, to provide us a place to rest, all because we had one incredible thing in common.

Perhaps the sign-thief was trying to help me move on. Perhaps it was a misguided gesture of compassion. Or maybe it was some ignorant Trump supporter who thinks that Democratic Socialism means that you can take whatever you want from whoever you want, so he thought he was being witty by teaching me a lesson, when I already knew that the world was full of overconfident morons with boundary issues, so no lesson was learned.

Or possibly, it was a Hillary Clinton supporter who was eaten up with guilt each day, as they drove past my sign and were reminded of how their choice to be WITH HER was condoning lying and cheating and murder and everything else that is bullshit in this awful/awesome world and my sign reminded them that supporting this cheater of Democracy meant they didn’t have the moral authority on any issue, ever again, for the rest of their FUCKING LIFE!!!

Or perhaps the wind blew it away…I don’t know.

But I’ve got another one.

Number nine!

And I’m going to put it out tomorrow morning. Because I’m completely in denial and I plan to stay that way for the rest of my life. I refuse to accept that the world is a shit-hole. I refuse to accept that evil wins. I’m going to be 80 years old and still have some form of Bernie Sanders sign in my yard and the kids in the neighborhood will call me Old Man Sanders and tell legends about me. And I will do things to encourage the legends, even though I’ll still be like a super-nice guy and all..

But I won’t want to disappoint the neighborhood children, so I’ll play screaming sounds out of speakers in my basement and let spider-webs grow all over my house…maybe even wear an eye-patch…I don’t know, but whatever kind of stuff creepy old guys that live in haunted houses in the year 2053 do, that’s the kind of stuff I’ll do.

The kids will dare each other to steal my Bernie Sanders yard sign and each time they do, I will make an even scarier looking Bernie sign and one of the kids will double-down on the dare and say that “if you sleep with the stolen sign under your mattress then Old Man Sanders will appear at the foot of your bed…”

Then another kid will say..

“You guys are stupid. The man who lives in that house isn’t named Bernie Sanders. He just likes Bernie Sanders. Don’t you guys ever read cyber-books on your ocular implant?! You know the way our world is today? With the flying cars and no war and everybody being fed and loved and living to be 500 years old and terraforming other planets and bending space/time and with statues of Neil Degrasse Tyson, Bill Nye and Carl Sagan everywhere? Bernie Sanders was the guy who started all that. Before Bernie Sanders human beings were tore up from the floor up.”

And yeah, in the future, kids are going to say “tore up from the floor up.”

I know that no one has said that in like ten years, but it’s going to come back in a YUGE way in like forty-years, so remember that I predicted that.

So anyway, I’m putting a new sign up.

Number nine!

To remind me and everyone else who sees it..

That this isn’t over.

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Donald Trump’s Tire Emporium

Indiana is Trump territory, so I often find myself surrounded by good ol boys and me with my Black Lives Matter to Bernie Sanders button and my car plastered in leftist stickers.

This morning my neighbor was struggling with a flat tire, so I told him to throw it in my car and I drove to this wheel shop in the hood that I have frequented for years.

As they were working on his tire, you could see all the guys in the office pointing at my car and talking.

I imagined, perhaps falsely, that they were thinking I was a communist, even though I doubted that any of them could even give a definition of what the word meant.

I reminded myself that you can’t judge a book by it’s cover.

I went into the office and asked if one of them would look at my tires and tell me if I needed any replacements.

I mentioned that I had to drive to Philadelphia this weekend.

They looked at my nerdy neighbor and my Bernie Sanders button and I imagined that I could feel a chill in the air.

Through an odd twist of fate, I end up standing in some wheel shop that’s 110 degrees, with my white entitlement, asking these blue collar dudes to get on their knees and look at my tires.

I always have trouble asking people to serve me.

I don’t like to put myself above anyone.

I have to remind myself that for this to work, we have to all serve one another.

One of the guys went out, hit the dirt, checked everything out and told me that all my tires were good and I tossed him a few bucks to adjust the pressure.

We don’t want any blowouts on the road to restoring democracy.

I stood there, trying not to look at my phone, because I was already feeling inconsequential and elitist and to even look at it would have been tantamount to firing a Hispanic maid for stealing money off the dresser and then finding it in my coat pocket a week later.

So I just stood there watching him air up my tire.

That was my penance for automotive ignorance.

When he was finished, we went into the office so I could pay and one of the guys asked…

“You need any Trump stickers for your car? I got a bunch?”

They all laughed.

“I’m good.” I said with a smile.

“What are you goin’ to Philly for?” one of the gentlemen queried.

“We’re going to stop Hillary Clinton.” I replied.

They all burst into laughter and said words of approval.

“I bet you guys like Trump for the same reasons I like Bernie.” I said “He doesn’t take any shit and he speaks up for the working man, guys like you and me.”

At the end of my sentence, I rolled up my sleeve, revealing my Bernie Sanders tattoo.

These guys all had tattoos and I wanted them to know that our tribes weren’t so different.

“What do you think of Trump taking Mike Pence as his VP?” one man asked.

“Honestly, Trump did me a favor. I’ve been trying to get that piece of shit out of Indiana for two years.”

There were laughs all around, so I continued speaking..

“Pence is always trying to take rights away from women. It’s her goddamned body. It ain’t none of my business what a woman does with her body and it ain’t none of Mike Pence ‘s business either.”

All the men nodded in agreement.

I thought how much better our world had become in my short life, that even these guys, who I probably don’t agree with on some issues, could still recognize that a woman’s right to choose is sacred.

I paid and got the fuck outta Dodge.

As I was leaving, one of the guys yelled.

“I think Bernie’s alright!!”

And one of the other guys said

“Hey! I do, too!!”

Donald Trump – The Lesser of Two Evils

Today I had a home theater installation.

This is one of the many things I do to make ends meet.

Inevitably these jobs are in people’s homes who have a lot more money than I do.

As soon as I saw the address, I thought…

“This guy is probably some huge Republican.”

It caused me momentary hesitation as I was putting my Bernie buttons on.

Stupid, prejudiced thought, right?

A thought born from fear.

I have these a lot.

When I catch myself, I replace them with more constructive visions.

So I said out loud, what I always say when going to meet someone new…

“Let’s go make a friend.”

By this, I mean…

“Hey Mike. Center yourself. This is a fellow human being you are on your way to see. Pay attention to them. Actually listen to them. See their humanity. Make their day better.”

You know…be a decent human.

I arrived and started to install the speakers, all the while asking him what he thought of this sound and that sound.

Finally he looked at my Bernie buttons and said

“You really think Sanders has a chance?”

I replied…

“We have a plan. I believe Sanders will be the Democratic nominee. If the DNC screws him over, then there is an invitation for him to join The Green Party. Do you hate Bernie Sanders?”

As the words stumbled out, I was surprised that I said “Hate.”

I was projecting.

What I usually say is..

“What are your thoughts on Senator Sanders?”

He said “I don’t HATE him. I hate Hillary.”

 

Ah!! A mutual dislike of Hillary Clinton!! We had a point of agreement!!

For the next hour, we were in rapid fire mode, speaking about Haiti, Honduras, Iraq, Hillary’s plans to “obliterate Iran” and how dangerous her No Fly Zone in Syria would be.

This guy loved Trump, who I violently oppose, yet we found common ground.

Sanders and Trump supporters may disagree on EVERYTHING, but the one thing they all agree on is that Hillary Clinton is bad for America.

Once rapport was strong, I told him that I liked that Trump had taken a hammer to the corrupt Republican party, but that I couldn’t support him due to hateful comments that he had made about the handicapped, women and minorities.

I told him that I was starkly opposed to Trump’s idea of building a wall on the border of Mexico and thought that a better solution would be to have fair trade agreements to assist their economy and that people from all over the world should have the opportunity to come to America and prove that they can be an asset to our country.

“After all” I said “That is the foundation of America, a safe harbor for immigrants.”

He said that he did not take any of Trump’s bigoted comments seriously and shared with me that he had concerns with Sanders’ ability to pay for his programs.

As we tested the speakers with Don’t You Forget About Me from Simple Minds, I spoke with him about Glass-Steagall and how top economists Robert Reich and Asher Edelman endorse Bernie Sanders’ economic plan.

I also explained Velocity of Money and he said that he had never thought about it that way.

He confessed that he really liked Sanders, now that he understood his economic plan a little better.

He also told me that he knows that Trump will lose if Sanders is the nominee and that every Trump supporter he knows is hoping Clinton gets the nomination, because that is the only way that Trump can win.

 

He was confused about why the Democrats were trying to fix the system to run a candidate who would likely lose.

I reminded him that Clinton was the only hope they had of keeping their oligarchical billionaire’s club alive.

I reminded him that Sanders would tax them and Trump doesn’t need their money.

But I DID need HIS money.

So I got paid and left.

On my way home, a car came up beside me at a stop light, honked and motioned for me to roll down my window.

An elderly man pointed to his Bernie Sanders hat and said…

“It’s more than an election. It’s a movement!!”

This kind of thing happens to me several times per day (I live in a major city and have 19 Bernie stickers on my car).

 

As I continued driving I wondered about the differences between the Bernie-hat guy and the Trump-guy.

How could Donald Trump, a complete bigot and Bernie Sanders, a modern day FDR, both attract such fervent support and admiration?

 

How could two completely opposite candidates inspire such tremendous excitement and loyalty?

Sanders and Trump disagree on nearly everything.

But they agree on two things.

1. We have to get money out of politics and
2. Hillary Clinton is the epitome of the problem.

 

 

I have always been fascinated at how things that are opposite are also similar.

For example, atheists are often so assured that they know the truth, that they sometimes bear a striking similarity to the religious zealots they rail against.

(There went half my subscribers).

Just as extreme right wing American Christians often have much in common with the Islamic terrorists they are so afraid of.

(Come back atheists!! I’m an equal opportunity offender!!)

As opposites go, you cannot be more different than Sanders vs Trump.

On the surface it is a Shakespearean Good vs Evil epic tale.

Sanders stands for love, while Trump is the candidate of hate.

Sanders wants to help those in need, while Trump wants to trample them.

Trump crushed the decrepit GOP.

Sanders exposed the corrupt DNC.

They both say they can save America.

Sanders’ by taxing the rich.

Trump by deporting the poor.

But as much as I dislike Trump for all his bigotry and arrogance, I realize he is not the true enemy.

The enemy of Democracy and progress is Hillary Clinton, who excites no one and stands for nothing.

Her supporters are not passionate or informed.

 

They are excited by her gender, but not her policies.

They do not even know her policies.

No one does.

They change based on political winds.

While Sanders and Trump speak to overflow audiences, Clinton speaks to Goldman Sachs billionaires and empty high school gymnasiums.

Ask any of her supporters what they like about her and they will say…

1. It’s her time
2. She’s a woman
3. I liked Bill
4. She’s experienced

In other words, they know NOTHING about her.

If they did they would understand why she is better suited to a prison cell than to the oval office.

Ask them to elaborate on her experience and they cannot.

Ask them to name one thing she has accomplished and they cannot.

Mainly because she has never accomplished one thing of merit in all her years in government.

She graduated law school, which is admirable.

She ascended on her husband’s coattails into high positions in politics, but on her own has accomplished NOTHING.

Unless you consider murdering innocent foreign people an accomplishment.

If you do then Hillary has hundreds of thousands of accomplishments.

If Trump becomes President, our country will stagnate.

Republicans and Democrats will unite to fight him and NOTHING will get done.

If Clinton becomes President, the wealthy will continue to siphon all the money and store it in their offshore accounts and the middle-class will completely disappear.

What can be gained by supporting a candidate who is in bed with the very banks who destroyed our economy already?

What was in those Wall Street transcripts?

She has collected $153,000,000 for these amazing “speeches” and she promised to release them when everyone else released their Wall Street Transcripts, but no one else gave any Wall Street speeches, so why is she dragging her feet?

Then she moved to “I will release my Wall Street transcripts when Sanders releases his taxes.”

Sanders released his taxes the following day, but still no transcripts.

Then she moved to “I will release my Wall Street transcripts when Trump releases his taxes.”

What is she hiding?!?!

What kind of “leader” says “I’ll do it after they do it.”?

If you support Hillary Clinton in spite of her hiding her agenda from you, then I ask you why?

It’s YOUR right to know what she is promising these huge banks.

It is YOUR tax dollars that bailed them out when they ripped off the American people.

You have a right to know, but she lies and refuses to release this pertinent information.

How can you defend that?

How can you support that?

How can you vote for that?

She will never release the transcripts, because there ARE NO TRANSCRIPTS!!

Hillary Clinton never gave any speeches.

The outrageous speaking fees are excuses for the banks to BUY her favors.

What do you suppose the banks want in return for their hundred million dollar investment?

Wake up!!!

Think about it!!!

Hillary Clinton is lying to the American people and yet there are those who will make excuses for this.

You shouldn’t be supporting her.

You should be angry!!

If Clinton is elected, our country will fall into deeper poverty and Clinton will continue her pattern of attacking anywhere there’s a profit.

Her “experience” shows a repeated pattern of bombing people of color if there is money to be made from it.

Remember what she said about Iraq?

So

 

The real war that America is facing is not Trump vs Clinton.

If it comes to that, recent polling indicates that Trump will defeat Clinton.

The real war is The American People vs The Wealthy Elite.

Hillary Clinton is their representative and she must be stopped.

I am believing that the Super-delegates will realize that supporting Sanders is wiser than losing the election entirely.

But if they choose not to listen to the people, we MUST drop the hammer hard on them in November.

Some of us will vote for Jill Stein.

Some of us will write in Bernie Sanders.

And yes, some will even vote for Donald Trump, just because they know that he is the lesser of two evils when compared with Hillary Rodham Clinton.

But under NO CIRCUMSTANCES will Hillary Clinton become the leader of this great country.

We will all work together to make sure that never happens.

Independent, Democrat, Republican…

One People..

United against her fascism.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Princess Hillary and The Great Wizard Sanders

There once was a woman named Princess Hillary.

Princess Hillary had everything.

She was rich.

She was powerful.

She flew on private dragons and everyone knew her name.

She had everything, except the one thing she wanted most.

She wanted to be the most powerful person in the world.

She wanted to be Queen of Americonia.

The only problem Princess Hillary had was that no one seemed to like her.

The people of Republica did not like her.

The people of Democratia did not like her.

And the people of Independence absolutely despised her.

“Why oh why does Americonia have to have this stupid Democracy? I much prefer a Monarchy.” she mused to no one in particular.

Princess Hillary was very sad.

So her husband, Former King William, concocted a plan.

Former King William was a powerful man with a magic wand that often got him into trouble

One day he said to Princess Hillary

“What if we got someone who everybody hated even more than you, to run against you for control of the kingdom? That way, the people that don’t like you, which is, well, you know, pretty much everyone, will still vote for you, because they will hate the other person even more?”

“That’s a great idea!!” said Princess Hillary “But wherever shall we find someone who people hate even more than me?!”

And with that, Former King William called his old friend, the Arch-Bishop of Douchebaggingham, the pathetic Lord Drumpf.

Drumpf had always been a member of Democratia, but actually relished the opportunity to pretend to be from Republica.

“It will be great fun!!” Drumpf pronounced “I will have those idiots from Republica eating out of my tiny hands and the Democratians will be so afraid of me, they will do whatever you say, Princess Hillary! We will have ever so much fun, with our ruse. The peasants are so stupid!! Delightful!!”

“And the people of Douchebaggingham will love you even more!” remarked Former King William “For they all have small hands too and have a fantastic fear of everything!!”

Former King William and Princess Hillary were delighted and promised Lord Drumpf all the power he could ever imagine.

For such a tiny man with such tiny hands, the thought of such power made his giant orange head swim.

When The Great Wizard Sanders heard that Princess Hillary was out to deceive the good people of Americonia yet again (this was not the first time), he saddled up his unicorn and headed from the east to let the Americonians hear the truth.

He rode his magical horse from town to town, telling the people that they had a long forgotten magic inside of them.

He told them that by joining forces, they could cast incredible spells of prosperity all over the land.

Princess Hillary and Lord Drumpf laughed at The Great Wizard Sanders.

For they knew they had a great advantage.

For you see, there was a magical box installed in every home in the kingdom.

And nothing ever made it to the magic box, without being approved by the most powerful people in the kingdom.

Princess Hillary and Lord Drumpf could use it to spread their lies far and wide.

How far could The Great Wizard Sanders get, just by speaking to the peasants face to face?

Not very far at all, Hillary and Drumpf reasoned.

For a while the great plan of Princess Hillary and Lord Drumpf was working perfectly.

The people did not like Princess Hillary, but Lord Drumpf would say outrageous things and Princess Hillary would be right there on the magical box reminding the people each day that she was not as bad as Lord Drumpf.

In fact she even considered changing her campaign slogan to

“Not As Bad As Drumpf!” with an arrow point to the right and a picture of Drumpf’s stupid face right at the end of the arrow.

And most people agreed.

Princess Hillary was incredibly unlikable, but Lord Drumpf was even worse it seemed.

Each day the magic box told the people what awful thing Lord Drumpf had said or done and each day, there was Princess Hillary reminding the people

“I may be awful, but I am not as awful as Drumpf. If you do not pick me, then you will have to deal with him.”

And each day the people hung their heads in sadness, wondering why they had to choose between a donkey or an ass and wondering if there was even a difference at all.

The people had heard of The Great Wizard Sanders, but the magic box had said that he didn’t have a chance to win and that if you liked him then you were a white, close-minded male who hated women.

This confused many of the people in the kingdom who noticed that they were not only not all white, but they were also not all male and all of them agreed that they were neither closed minded, nor hated women. In fact many of them noticed they were women.

The Great Wizard Sanders, undaunted, continued traveling from town to town, spreading the word about the dormant magic that lies inside of all people.

And some people had started to listen…

And those people had started to tell other people.

As belief in the magic grew, Princess Hillary instructed Lord Drumpf to say even more outrageous things.

“They must hate you!!!” she screamed “They must fear you so much that they will vote for me!!”

“I’m trying!!” Lord Drumpf assured her “I keep saying everything you tell me to say, but people don’t care. Everyone still hates you more than me. It’s the wizard who is causing all the problems. He cast a spell called The Internet and the peasants are using it to correct the lies that the magic box is telling them. The people now KNOW what a truly awful person you are. Before The Internet they only suspected it!!”

“Then we must stop this Internet!!” said Princess Hillary “Bring it to me!!”

Lord Drumpf knew that Princess Hillary could never understand the intricacies of The Internet, so he countered with another proposal.

“You are a very powerful lady, Princess Hillary. Why don’t you talk to your friends in the various kingdoms and make sure that the people who want to vote for the wizard, cannot vote for him?”

“That is an excellent idea.” said Princess Hillary.

And with that, she began contacting the Lords of the various kingdoms.

“Just throw away their votes, when they vote for the wizard. Or better yet, just tell them they are not allowed to vote. Also I will have my husband, Former King William show up at the polling places and instruct the peasants to vote for me. Just make sure I win! After all, it’s my turn!! I’ll begin preparations for my coronation forthwith.”

For a while, Princess Hillary’s new plan worked.

Many people gave up once their ability to vote had been taken away from them.

“The Great Wizard Sanders was lying about the magic we have inside us.” some said.

“We can never have human rights in Americonia. That is only for other kingdoms. Princess Hillary is just too powerful.” others said.

Princess Hillary even offered a chance for The Great Wizard Sanders to surrender.

In fact, she offered it like a hundred freakin times.

But The Great Wizard Sanders refused to give up.

He continued to spread his magical message across the entire kingdom.

The message was so powerful that even people from across the great seas came to hear and support it.

When the people found out about Princess Hillary throwing away all their votes, they became furious and Princess Hillary had to run away from the angry mobs.

But there was no place for Princess Hillary to run, once the secret police that ruled over the kingdoms found out about Princess Hillary’s failed attempts to use The Internet (apparently she didn’t know how to use it properly and cast several thousand Deletion spells on her top secret magic letters).

Soon they came to her castle to take her away.

But Princess Hillary was too smart for them.

She called her home planet and told them that she needed “emergency extraction!!!”.

“Our plan to take over the world has failed miserably!!” she screamed in an incredibly shrill tone.

“And I’m pretty sure that Lord Drumpf is actually an invader from the planet Douchenozzle!!” she added.

Alas the space ship took Princess Hillary away and the good people of Americonia rejoiced.

They were safe again.

The Great Wizard Sanders slayed evil Lord Drumpf and the people used the magic they had found inside themselves to transform their kingdoms into places where all people could thrive and prosper.

People destroyed their magic boxes and every one learned how to properly cast The Internet to find truth and science.

And they all lived happily ever after.

And oh yeah…

One more thing..

The Village Idiot, Ted Cruz, finally accepted his homosexuality, denounced religion and released the Ted in Your Bed line of adult sex toys and lubricants.

He was a lot happier and more likable after that.

THE END